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Curbs Your Enthusiasm

Real Football Men #1 – Alan Curbishley

Alan Curbishley

I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking when is Curbs going to get back in the bloody game?. Admittedly he is back at the coaching staff at Fulham after an incredibly short spell their last season but for the hordes of Curb Crawlers around the country dare I say the world is this really enough for a man of such great managerial nous?.

For a man who is perennially 16/1 for just about every available managerial post going as well being the new Deirdre Barlow and also to win The Boat Race it seems as Curbs who as we know is a “Real Football Man” deserves to be in charge of a side befitting of the man’s vast experience.

But what makes him a “Real Football Man” – why is he linked with just about every ever job going? – is this some sort of on going wind up in the betting trade, does Curbs even want to get back in to top level management any more. Any one who is lucky enough or can be bothered to watch the Dutch Football coverage on Sky Sports 5 will hear that as Curbs pretends to be in Sunny Eindhoven as PSV start their title winning celebrations we all know that he’s holed up in a Middlesex based studio thinking what time B&Q closes on a Sunday and whether he’ll have time to nip in and get some Ronseal on the way home.

After being at Charlton since time began and then staying there forever (ok he was actually there for 15 years 1991-2006) and then spending just under 2 years at West Ham in which his only real achievement was them not getting relegated out of the Premier League he hasn’t managed since. That’s no head managerial role in over 7 years…7!. Surely by this point it must be diminishing returns as the longer he stays out of the game the less likely he will even be considered for any half decent managerial positions, I mean there is absolutely no way he will manage in the Premier League again. For all those people who do like to have a flutter at 16/1 every time A vacancy appears in my opinion you would be better off keeping the 1.

Another thing that seems apparent is that Curbs doesn’t like to work outside the M25 commuter belt. Work at Charlton, West Ham and Fulham (can you see a pattern here?) If there was a Job Centre for people working in Football then I think Curbs would be in danger of getting his benefits stopped. Imagine the scenario..

Job Centre Clerk: “So Alan, you’ve been out of work for 7 years now. There’s a vacancy up at Rotherham”
Curbs: “Yeah but the travelling’s a bit too far, will you reimburse me for Petrol?”
Job Centre: “Ok what about this one in Swindon?”
Curbs: “If I work more than 16 hours a week, then I’ll lose my JSA and I’ll probably be out of pocket once I factor in wear and tear on the Mondeo, it’s not cheap to maintain you know”

Maybe Curbs just hasn’t got the enthusiasm anymore, so it seems Curbs will go the way of other “Real Football Men” such as Peter Reid, George Graham, Joe Royle, David O’Leary (more on them to follow) and ask himself when if ever is he really going to get back in the bloody game?


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